” I dint choose to be a failure.”

She sat in pitch darkness.
In the vast stretches on a worn out park bench.
Head held in her hands.
Creased brows and teared eyes
Her face was red with fear and dejection.
A lump in her throat causing pain.
She kept uttering these words.
She I dint choose to be a failure.”
Tears and thoughts continued to flow.
She dint wanna let her parents down.
She dint wanna be incapable.
She slogged and slogged but all in vain.
Life and luck were never on her side.
She kept uttering the words.
” I dint choose to be a failure.”
She tried real hard to make her folks proud.
But could never match what her bro did.
She hung in there, fighting her own battles.
She tried to explain to them as well..
But no one understood her.
They judged her all the time.
She felt pressured,Under the scan always.
She kept uttering the words.
” I dint choose to be a failure.”
She dint earn big bucks
Felt terrible all the time.
All people saw was her failures.
None recognized her efforts.
She made sacrifices too
But still remained a looser.
She kept uttering the words.
” I dint choose to be a failure.”
No one read her eyes
but she could see blame in theirs.
Their words stung
She tried to change it all.
No one told her “Its okay”
it robbed her of her beliefs and faith.
She kept uttering the words.
” I dint choose to be a failure.”

Let out

I miss the normalcy…

and today is finally getting to me.

Cant take the silence any more.

its just there all around.

From within I can hear only noise.

Talking non stop.

Disturbing the peace, shaking me up.

I don’t know what is right or wrong.

I don’t know where to find answers.

I wanna be immune 

I wanna be in a state where suffering is up to a point.

I wanna be oblivion to the fear.

Fear that more often than not shapes my actions.

I wanna be free in my decisions.

and do what feels just right.

External burden has a tendency to ruin it.

What others think, or rather what others dont think is an obstacle.

The outside world has changed me.

Does that really matter ?

if not, why are those words playing in my head.

why is there an urge to put my point.

a need to explain myself.

a wish to shout out loud my feelings.

In spite of this need the ego sticks its foot out.

and everything just stays within.

I want to yet I don’t wanna reach out.

I want to yet I don’t wanna be heard.

caught in the state of ambivalence.

Looking for a way to let out.