Let out

I miss the normalcy…

and today is finally getting to me.

Cant take the silence any more.

its just there all around.

From within I can hear only noise.

Talking non stop.

Disturbing the peace, shaking me up.

I don’t know what is right or wrong.

I don’t know where to find answers.

I wanna be immune 

I wanna be in a state where suffering is up to a point.

I wanna be oblivion to the fear.

Fear that more often than not shapes my actions.

I wanna be free in my decisions.

and do what feels just right.

External burden has a tendency to ruin it.

What others think, or rather what others dont think is an obstacle.

The outside world has changed me.

Does that really matter ?

if not, why are those words playing in my head.

why is there an urge to put my point.

a need to explain myself.

a wish to shout out loud my feelings.

In spite of this need the ego sticks its foot out.

and everything just stays within.

I want to yet I don’t wanna reach out.

I want to yet I don’t wanna be heard.

caught in the state of ambivalence.

Looking for a way to let out.

A day in her life….

lonely_girl

Live a day of my life, says she
And you ll know what emptiness means.
Hours without uttering a word, I spend
Staring in blankness, searching for answers.
In the hope to comprehend.

Live a day of my life, says she
And you ll know what it means to put an effort in vain.
Try to hard to improve the scenario, do I
End up with vague thoughts
In the hope of clear paths , I cry.

Live a day of my life, says she
And you ll know what lack of belief amounts to
A midst dark shadows of doubt & quandary.
I try to shine and rise high.
In the hope of an iota of appreciation and loyalty.

Live a day of my life, says she
And you ll know that being just best friends is not enough.
For after a while I won’t be priority.
Spending nights, fearing loneliness always.
In the hope of finding a lover,fleetly.