The U turn of Friendship

“Ek ladka Ladki kabhi dost nahin ho sakte.” The famous dialogue from the Bollywood hit Maine Pyaar Kiya, is that truth in any friendship which the two people involved in it keep on denying till one of them finds a partner. Either this happens or the involved guy and the girl become partners themselves.In both the scenarios the friendship which they shared before finding partner or becoming a couple in love themselves, changes.

The cases where they fall in love with each other are the ones that can be called the fairy tale romance with a happy ending. At some point hey realize that the tag “just friends” was only because up till now they failed to comprehend their own feelings.

The difficult ones are those in which when one of the friend finds a partner.  f

We were friends and will always be.
Only the dimensions are altered and now restricted
You are you and I am still the same me.
Only new boundaries are set, somewhat adjusted.

The friend who is left behind feels the pinch slightly more. The one who finds a new companion will actually not feel the difference at all. He/she having found a new life embraces and gets involved in it and barely gets the time to realize and comprehend the changes arising in the friendship.  The one who does not find a partner is the one who has to take the U turn and walk back.

On one hand the friend has to cope up with the redefined dimensions of the old friendship and on the other hand he/she is also expected to build up a good rapport with the friend’s partner. Every single thing from the number of times they talk in day, how they behave in each other’s presence to the content of the conversation changes. Sharing of every detail definitely does not happen any longer.

  The friend who has found a partner also finds it difficult. His/her certain actions and lack of time might hurt the friend but they are rarely intentional. He/she only does what is supposed to be done. I.e. spend more time with the partner.

The third angle which is added to the straight two way friendship brings about a lot of changes. The partner in most cases always has a problem with the closeness of the relation between the friends. Trust issues come under a serious scanner. Even if the partner and the friend do develop a healthy cordial relation, the long close relation of the friend keeps popping up at the back of the head.

Sometimes even the friend cannot get himself/herself to accept the change and end up fighting and making the situation even worse. The friend might not be able to become the second fiddle and gradually backs off to make life simpler for all 3 of them.

If the left out friend also finds a partner then the situation regains balance but if not then he/she is the one who losses out on the friendship and cannot even complain about it for the risk of being accused of immaturity and lack of understanding and support by the friend.

Situations like these are a natural occurrence. No one should be blamed. Over a period of time every close friendship involving a guy and a girl does change. It is inevitable.

Don’t give up on the friendship, restart it.
Redefine its meaning, live the change
A small talk will also be enough.
To adjust in the new limits, is the beauty of it.

P.S. views expressed in this blog are purely Coincidental. Resemblance to any person is deeply regretted.

Communication Gap

All around the globe “talking is the solution to every problem” is a commonly used phrase. Has anyone ever thought what too much of talking (only in terms of hours or days not content wise can lead to? Two friends talk day in and day out for every single day of the past 3 years and then one of them gets busy. Father and son share an amazing rapport till a certain age and then the son finds new people to talk to.  Too much talking creates dependence of one person on another and when a gap is built owing to busy schedule, circumstances etc., is what I call communication gap and is something very difficult to deal with. This is especially more stressful for the person amongst the 2 who is free. There might be situations where the free person finds it difficult to grasp and cope up with the void created. If both the people involved are busy, the gap is hardly ever noticed and then to not talk becomes a habit

Once upon a time

We had lots and lots to talk. 

Everything we shared

To hide something was a crime.

 

 Silly jokes and crazy banter

Understood by none other than us

Small laughs and heart laughter

All day long we could chatter.

 

Something went wrong, it all changed

Though we are both still here

The spark and spunk is lost

Is the situation to be blamed?

 

Is it possible to set it straight?

Or it’s best to leave it at chance

To be cautious from start, is that the way

No emotional attachments, is that correct?

 All said and done, the only way out is to deal with the situation when it comes. None of us can ever gauge when the relationship will blossom or wither. Having experienced this unwanted break and gap many a times myself I have learnt that you have to let the person be. You can’t force one to talk and share things with you.  After clarifying your point of view, all you can do is wait for normalcy to return. If it does not leave it that point, accept it that it was meant to be rosy only till that period.

When your friendship is in its prime phase make sure you give it your 100 per cent. Make the base strong. Gaps can cause bitterness but with time you do realize what happens does happen for the best. Also the opposite people do realize their mistake somewhere down the line. A few of them even come back into your lives and you feel like nothing bad ever happened.

Remember the good stuff and move on and always be ready to walk half way through the bridge, with a stronger cover for your feelings the second time round.