I miss the normalcy…
and today is finally getting to me.
Cant take the silence any more.
its just there all around.
From within I can hear only noise.
Talking non stop.
Disturbing the peace, shaking me up.
I don’t know what is right or wrong.
I don’t know where to find answers.
I wanna be immune
I wanna be in a state where suffering is up to a point.
I wanna be oblivion to the fear.
Fear that more often than not shapes my actions.
I wanna be free in my decisions.
and do what feels just right.
External burden has a tendency to ruin it.
What others think, or rather what others dont think is an obstacle.
The outside world has changed me.
Does that really matter ?
if not, why are those words playing in my head.
why is there an urge to put my point.
a need to explain myself.
a wish to shout out loud my feelings.
In spite of this need the ego sticks its foot out.
and everything just stays within.
I want to yet I don’t wanna reach out.
I want to yet I don’t wanna be heard.
caught in the state of ambivalence.
Looking for a way to let out.