Tube Light- her 4 am friend

The sun brought along schedules and spreadsheets
Mundane as they may sound, with these, her fears she cheats.

Kept her mind occupied, her fears at bay.
Enthusiasm of meeting people, sometimes real, mostly fake, got her through the day.

Cometh the midnight, she closes her eyes tight.
No escaping the frightful fears, to the ceiling and beyond, it’s a lonely night.

Mind at unrest, body tossing around in the bed.
The possibility of this turning into a permanent scenario, she lay scared.

Rain slashing against the pane, freakish sounds abuzz, her eyes open wide
She curls up on the right, with no one to hold on the other side.

This thought of ending up alone played like a horror scene.
Few minutes, sometimes longer, never does it go unseen.

Switched on the button, the old tube light in her room shone.
Giving Ally, the comfort and familiarity of the known.

Falls into a slumber finally, in the company of the light
Its effect was dim, but it gave her a sense of might.


A day in her life….


Live a day of my life, says she
And you ll know what emptiness means.
Hours without uttering a word, I spend
Staring in blankness, searching for answers.
In the hope to comprehend.

Live a day of my life, says she
And you ll know what it means to put an effort in vain.
Try to hard to improve the scenario, do I
End up with vague thoughts
In the hope of clear paths , I cry.

Live a day of my life, says she
And you ll know what lack of belief amounts to
A midst dark shadows of doubt & quandary.
I try to shine and rise high.
In the hope of an iota of appreciation and loyalty.

Live a day of my life, says she
And you ll know that being just best friends is not enough.
For after a while I won’t be priority.
Spending nights, fearing loneliness always.
In the hope of finding a lover,fleetly.

Craving for company

It was the colourful festival of Holi. She woke up from her bed like she would on any other day. Quietly she went and coloured her mom and dad pink. That little pink was the only colour that brightened her day. The case was different a few years back. About 3-4 years back she would excitedly get up on the day of holi and dress in the oldest clothes for a colourful day with people who she thought were her friends for a lifetime. Well anyway, she spent her morning going for a swim, eating the sweet jalebi for breakfast and watching Charlie Sheen’s Anger management on Comedy Central.

Every-time during the day when people sent her messages wishing her happy holi, she felt sad. Reminiscing about the past celebrations made her sad. She wanted to play even this year but had no company to do so. So if she got to know others were playing, her heart sinked. She was taking an afternoon nap and one of her closest friends asked her how holi? That was it, she just could not control and tears came pouring down her eyes. She told her friend she would talk later and began sobbing. She asked god knowing fully well that she is not the only lonely soul why me?

The problem was not just today. It was sadness and pressure building up inside her since the past few days. She had been feeling really alone. She barely spoke a few words to anyone in the previous few days. It was like she was living in a silent world or then everybody had decided to go in mute mode at the same time. There was a fear within her which had come to surface yet again, the fear of being all alone. She was not very good at handling this particular feeling of hers and generally got trapped in it. This attracted other negative feelings as well. She had a tendency to think she is a failure and would not get a job anywhere if not for her dad’s office where she presently works. Also absolutely no response and communication from a part time content writer’s job she had got a few days back made matters worse.

The way out of this and the secret to feeling good was talking to people but that was the most difficult part. She just could not bring herself to talk to friends because they were all so busy in their daily routine, none of them really had the time for her emotional meltdown. She also believed that nobody really understood why she felt that way and talking more and more about it would only encourage the feelings. So she never really discussed it with anybody. Sleeping in the night got a little difficult for her as well as she could not rid herself of these negative feelings.

As much as she tries, loneliness is something she cannot handle and loneliness seems to like nobody else’s company. Ever since her friendship with her high school buddies broke and disappeared into the dark, a void has been created in her life. She has made lots of efforts to meet new people but either they are not enough or then maybe she is trying way too hard to rewrite her destiny.

A dangerous feeling it is, loneliness. One trapped in it, is a total mess                                                                                                 Never ever let your friends and family feel alone. For without them your world is a dry zone.

The only thing she wants from life is to give her loving friends and family. Every time she prays to god, she only asks for someone to accompany her and if that is not to be, then to give her strength to live in this world alone.